When I started studying sexuality over a decade ago, I clearly remember a rhetoric around “trying to define the female orgasm”. I remember there was doctors and psychologists constantly going back-and-forth first if the female orgasm even existed in the first place and second how do we define it if it does exist…
The thing about western science is that they need to have a few elements in order to define something. It needs to be tangibly/visibly observable, it needs to be replicable, and for the most part, it doesn’t need to be studied over many different bodies…
The other thing to know about western science and how it works is that it is always studied with a male body first.
So when you look at male bodies and how they experience orgasm, they do so in a very particular way: There is an allocated time of arousal (typically very fast for male bodies), there is a visual and physical representation of arousal that is according to blood flow filling the genitals, and there is a stimulation of those genitals until you reach a peak experience, which then leads to the sensation going away (relatively quickly).
So because it was a very obvious formula in order for men to experience this, essentially what western scientists did is they use the same exact formula for female bodies.
Not to mention, they never studied intersex people, or trans people, nor were the studies very diverse at all. They were specific to a race, an age group , body type, and economic status.
And how western science works is they make a study on it and then it becomes the standard for doctors to be able to prescribe medication or treatments. If a human falls outside of the particular timing of sequence and experience that was studied… They are then prescribed "treatment" under a very specific protocol.
And so a western science of orgasm is the following:
A climax of sexual excitement, characterized by feelings of pleasure centered in the genitals and (in men) experienced as an accompaniment to ejaculation.
Female orgasm:
Characterized by intense sexual pleasure resulting in rhythmic, involuntary muscular contractions in the pelvic region.
Reading these definitions I hope you have the same response as me… “Wow those are particularly specific and leave no room for expansion of experience of orgasm, and that is certainly not how I particularly experience orgasm every single time…”
Aka “fuck is there something wrong with me!?”
My personal experience of orgasm is pretty interesting. At a very young age I ended up getting a vibrator with my fake ID.
But the experiences I had with a vibrator were very different than the experiences I had with partners.
And that went on for 15 years! I felt so fucking gaslight, that I was “broken”, or something was wrong with me because the experiences that I was having were incredible with partners, but they didn’t follow these definitions that I stated above per-se. And they seem to be very different with myself and with a vibrator than with a partner.
Until I started studying Tantra…
The Tantric definition of an orgasm blew my whole world open because it creates spaciousness for exploration and expansion of your orgasm to be many different things. Not just one particular thing.
And that fact in itself is deeply empowering and validating. Whereas this western scientific definition is deeply shaming, controlling, and centralizing of your pleasure. Making your orgasm one particular thing instead of waking up to the world of orgasm that is a never-ending smorgasbord of exploration and expansion.
So what is the definition of a Tantric orgasm? Well, it’s in three phases:
1.Intentional sensation (typically pleasurable)
When we make an intention, that is the most important part of having a Tantric life. Intention makes the difference for you to just be experiencing things just happening to you because "sake of" versus experiencing things consciously, embodied, and in co-creation of your life.
It is the difference between life just happening to you and you always being a victim of life versus you actually taking the reins in your life and experiencing life in a conscious and purposeful way.
And while that might seem vulnerable because it seems easier to just “go with the flow”, or just do what you’re told, or what happens to you, yes, it’s more responsibility in your life, but that also directly pays off to you being in co-creation with your life and reaching towards what you actually desire in life.
Which is HUGE for someone in the bedroom trying to experience more pleasure. To go from people pleasing, and things just happening to them into you actually speaking up for your desires and intentionally exploring your desires and pleasure.
2.Movement, heightening, and or expansion of that sensation
There are very particular techniques and practices in order to learn how to amplify your pleasure; both physiological, energetic, and psychological.
And what do you know…. You learn them in The Pleasure Witch Coven 😝
But essentially the second phase is that you’re moving from intentionally creating stimulation into expanding that stimulation and heightening it. That’s the build up babyyyyy. You’re still consciously choosing this at this point.
And then comes 3: MIND SHIFT! 🤯
Wtf is that you ask!? This is where Tantra teaches you that sex is an active form of meditation.
If you’ve ever meditated or been in deep flow in anything (think sports or dancing or creating art), then you’ve probably experienced the phenomenon when you are consciously choosing something so much so that your mind actually starts to melt away and you start to just go to this different state of consciousness that is no longer about you consciously choosing.
You are in a deep state of flow. If you’ve ever done psychedelics, this is the same place your consciousness moves to when you’re doing psychedelics. But the big difference in taking psychedelics and doing it sober in sex and pleasure is that when you’re taking psychedelics you were giving your consent over to the pills/plant/medicine you are taking when you do it as opposed to a sober practice with your own specific intention, you always have autonomy and sovereignty over your experience.
YOU get to choose the flow of your experience and how much you want to give into it. Either dip your toe in or have full-blown cosmic, orgasmic universe taking over your body experiences!! And YOU get to choose when, where, how often, and how long! When you learn the actual practices, you get to have these experiences as frequent as you desire!
And the most profound part of this 3rd phase is that you are no longer thinking. No longer are you doing to do list in your head, or thinking that your kids might walk in the room, or if you look good or cute, if you sound right, if your partner is enjoying themselves.
You are fucking flying high in the cosmos! Yet embodied in and through your body experience.
If you’re one of those sceptical readers reading this and thinking to yourself “there’s no way that’s real” or filled with judgement in any which way,
that is because you come from the church conditioning, not wanting you to have these experiences!
But like I have told you before my love:
Your pleasure and your power are directly correlated, so it’s no wonder that they’ve conditioned you to think that your pleasure at this height is impossible…
The universe could create anything and it created you! Which makes it inherently sacred of an experience!
You are biologically wired to have this experience as a human! Other humans are having it so why are you denying yourself from having?
And the last thing to leave you with is the fact that if your nervous system does not feel safe to let your mind go in that way (which takes immense trust) then that is the KEY to being able to experience mind shift, or even holistic sex!
Exploration and expansion = SAFETY IN YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM
I cannot stress that enough.
And the reason in The Pleasure Witch Coven the practises are for you to do with yourself before you do anything with a partner, is because if your nervous system safety is based off of a partner, then your pleasure is based off of the partner…
If you live your life in that cage, you’re not going to feel safe to fully expand in this world of incredible orgasmic life with your whole life outside of when you’re with that partner in a particular environment…
My work is about YOU reclaiming YOURSELF as a foundation of your life to then grow to have the best sex, love and relationships with others!
Comments