TW: "unalive" tendancies
My love, the pain you put yourself through perpetuating staying in, the experience you are in right now, I’m telling you it is way worse than actually feeling through what you are avoiding, to finally be able to overcome it.
And I’m going to tell you in this email why as well as the most incredible tool to use to overcome this hump that you are stuck on.
If you’re stuck in pain, numbness, shut down, trauma response, people pleasing in the bedroom/relationships, keep dating the same type of toxic person over and over again. Then my love you are stuck in a nervous system biological trauma response that is keeping you from having the incredible orgasmic life that you are worthy and deserving of!
The reason you’re stuck in this cycle is because we live in a society that wants you oppressed. We live in a society that is patriarchal, misogynistic, and on top of it if you are not white, or if you are LGBTQIA, or if you’re disabled, you are even more under the heaviness that is being exploited in our society.
And so whether it was from childhood or just living in this society that is violent against your body… you have been conditioned to know subconsciously that it is not safe to experience pleasure.
Because if you’ve heard me say it before… Your pleasure and your power is directly correlated so it’s no wonder if you are stuck in a cycle of not feeling your incredible multi-orgasmic pleasure, because our colonized society works on the fact of exploiting you when you’re depleted as opposed to uplifting you and your inner power.
And you not falling in love with yourself and your body, is directly correlated to benefitting men in power.
(Which is ridiculous because it is a true fact that when women are empowered, they actually uplift the community as a whole, but I’ll write another email one day about intersectional activism.)
Anyway,
You’re nervous system on a biological level gets stuck in that trauma pattern because it feels safer to degrade yourself then to feel that pain and that fear to be able to move through it.
The nervous system works like this; if it has learned a survival technique, it is going to do that technique every single time until you force it into a different pattern.
And so that is why a lot of people avoid this work and actually stepping in because it literally feels like you’re going to die if you feel any more pain or suffering.
But as someone who’s really fucking been there and been through it! My initiation to this work was deep dark suffering! I wanted to unalive myself for a good 20 years of my life! I also tried to 3 times.
I had BPD, I was extremely explosive all the time, I was so unhappy, and I was constantly getting myself into toxic relationships. I did extremely sketchy sex work, just to try and feel something, and I was an alcoholic and a nondiscriminatory drug user. (my jokingly way of saying that if a drug was offered to me, I would do it!)
I tried every type of therapy I could get my hands on as well as antidepressant pharmaceuticals. NOTHING AND I MEAN NOTHING worked.
I was in a constant downward spiral running away from myself and anyone who tried to love me.
Until I found Tantra… I went on a Jade Egg retreat and before we put the egg inside of us, we had to ask our p_ssy for consent. Mine spoke up immediately for the first time ever and said a clear "no" and I told it I don’t care, I’m doing this anyway because I paid a lot of money to be here and I just want to have the experience…
Well no surprise, it backfired! I had a full-blown trauma response, shaking and crying, and then it slammed me with the realization that there’s the concept of consent with other humans, but what the fuck is consent with my own body!?
I had never thought of it before! And it brought me deep into this journey.
And I studied this work professionally where I did this practices, five times a week for a full year! As well as another full year of the 3 majors that I did and now always ongoing learning.
I was like if I’m gonna do this, I’m going to fucking dedicate myself, and I’m going to change my life.
And let me tell you it was difficult! In Tantra, you learn how to be 100% of your humanity not just the 50% that you see on billboards and Disney movies! It’s not just about smiling and being positive. It’s about feeling the depth of your “Shadow” emotions as well. And mine were fucking deep!
I’m not saying that you need to do these exercises as intensely as I did, I actually would suggest that you do them slower and introduce them into your life in a more sustainable way. To make slow, but profound change in your life!
Because my teachings are trauma informed, titrating the experience is what is going to get you the longevity!
You aren’t studying this professionally, you just want better sex, love, and relationships! But I’m not going to lie to you it absolutely takes dedication to your life!
Which is exactly why I have the three month cancellation policy when you first sign up, to hold you accountable to yourself and this process!
And I firmly believe if you start doing these practises once a week, if you do them for three months, you will already make profound changes in your life!
Because what you are perpetuating in your life right now is way worse than being dedicated to moving through it and it is the opposite of what you’re going to experience on the other side of it!
Even John Hopkins is studying Sacred Sexuality practises and they studied them compared to psychedelic therapy. Sacred Sexuality practises came out soaring on top of psychedelic therapy, in creating long-term sustainable change in peoples lives in the following categories:
Self love
Body positivity
Relationships
Sex
Pleasure
Embodiment
Happiness
Are you desiring to better your life in any of those categories?
To get out of the cyclical pain or numbness that you seem to be stuck in?
See you in the coven my love.
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