Hello sis/sib let me ask you something personal (as if it’s not personal already with these emails already!) How do you touch yourself?
No really….
HOW!?
Okay most people actually don’t masturbate at all. And if they do it’s usually with a vibrator, in the same position as always, and with the same or similar fantasy as always.
But do you know the origin of the vibrator?
It was invented because masturbation was so shamed and women were so not a priority in s/x with their partners that they started going to their doctors with symptoms of “hysteria” a mental illness that consisted of depression, anxiousness, frustration, anger, emotional, you get the gist.
Doctors would then jerk these women off to “treat” this hysteria and then send them home.
No way their husbands could do it. We live in such a misogynistic s-x-negative society where only men getting off is what is important. But the doctors eventually got tired of doing it with their own hands, and so the vibrator was born. The 4th handheld appliance to enter the house. A machine that got women off quickly and efficiently to resolve their “hysteria” symptoms.
Now what does that say about society?
It’s the same phenomenon chocolate bars market themselves from. You hungry? Well grab a quick Snickers and it will solve your problem.
But the two biggest problems with vibrators are:
A body actually takes 20-40 minutes to warm up for s*x. And when we use our vibrator, we are typically not warming up at all. Typically we just turn it on and get off as quick as possible.This is inherently a huge problem because we’re training our nervous system to take a quick highway to pleasure and centralize our pleasure in exactly that way, in turn we are downsizing our pleasure to only specifically enjoy that and nothing else.Again, think of being addicted to a chocolate bar and never enjoying a meal again. Our nervous system actually becomes "addicted" to it and the nuance of human touch and intimacy is no longer fulfilling.And we are not taking the time to properly prepare and warm our body up, therefore we are missing the whole process of intimacy.
Vibrators make us lose our connection to our body. Yes, you get off and you get that quick dopamine hit from the orgasm. But what did you gain in that experience? Nothing new with your body. You’re most likely in fact, extremely disconnected when you’re using a vibrator. You’re having some external fantasy that is disconnected from your reality and avoiding what is actually happening in your body and spending time with it.Sound familiar? Yeah think drinking alcohol or taking pills we use to escape our lives.
But even if you don’t use a vibrator, how are you masturbating? Are you doing that 20-40 minutes of warm up time with your body? Are you deeply connecting to yourself and feeling what is really going on there?
Have you learned the art of consent with your own body?
Or are you just craving to get off and then do it as quickly as possible and roll over and go to sleep?
What if a lover made love to us in that way? We’ve pretty much all experienced it. We are left feeling disconnected, confused, frustrated, and even broken. And our disconnection with our body becomes more intense because we don’t listen to our body at all, we simply just jumped right into the heat of the moment.
And believe it or not, men are not different. They are exactly the same. They’ve just only learned sex and intimacy from porn and well, that is exactly what porn teaches you. This quick get it over with “chocolate bar s*x”.
So what is my point. My point is to slow the fuck down. But when you do that guess what? It’s going to be super annoying and uncomfortable and you’re going to hate it.
That is a key part of the process because learning that your relationship with your body is that you don’t fully trust your body, you have zero to little connection to it, you don’t know how to listen to it yet, it’s jarring, scary, and uncomfortable.
And often most of all there is a mass amount of SHAME.
Shame that you haven’t had this connection with your body at the same time if feeling shame in connecting to it at all - like the church taught us….
But that is exactly what Sacred Sexuality is for. It is for guiding you how to touch yourself in a way that is a journey of reconstructing your relationship to your pleasure and your body.
And well that’s why it leads to 5 course meal sex instead of the chocolate bar s/x!
But like I said… it’s going to SUCK as first. You’re going to resist it like you never would believe.
Just like anyone who went from stationary to climbing mountains, the first hill was the worst! But eventually they started climbing to peaks over and over again because they fall deeply in love with it and it becomes FUN!
That’s also why we have a community in The Pleasure Witch Coven!
When people come to the live rituals, and we have the community connection afterwards, it is so incredibly powerful for someone to ask a question and realize you all can relate to it!
The systems that oppress our sexuality, which is directly correlated to our inner power and our pleasure, they purposely worked to isolate us so that is why it is so powerful to come back to community in this work!!!
I cannot stress this enough.
You’re here, reading this. Why are you here?
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